2018 Reflections: Activating Your Strength Within

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:25-26

Strength. I have been having trouble embracing that word this month. It has been tough to process. Yes, strength is an innate quality of mine, but I have hated activating it lately.

Over the years, strength has been my mirror. It holds me accountable to do the hard work. Strength says, turn the light on when I want to lay in the dark. Strength says, be still and allow God’s will to be done. Strength says, keep going and don’t look back. Strength says, embrace the discomfort.

Over the years, I have glorified strength. I treated it as a superpower of some sort. I have kept it moving when life got tough. I have held back tears to prove that I am not phased, disappointed or hurt. I would not complain because in my mind being strong meant to take every blow life has battered you with like a G. I grew immune to adversity until it wore me out to the core.

Today, I have realized what it truly means to be strong. I am realizing that strength lives in the rawest form of honesty. More than ever, I have found power in activating my strength through embracing the reality of how my mind, body, and spirit reacts when shit gets tough. I have found power in activating my strength because I have learned to acknowledge the feelings that come with setting boundaries, dealing with loss, looking at rejection as a blessing, saying ouch when pain exists, and admitting when I am disappointed when life doesn’t happen the way I planned.

The true secret to strength is that it is a gift from God. You just have to activate it when necessary. I have also found strength can be found underneath our masks, so take it off. Like Jill Scott, I too, am tired of being strong all day. I have learned that my inner strength is activated the moment I admit that I am not okay in the moments when I honestly am not well. Strength is also activated when I admit that going through the fiery furnace during this season in my life is hard as hell.

Sigh. The duality of it all.

But most importantly, I am strong because despite the adversity that 2018 handed to me I was able to continue to give God the glory.

I am here.

I remain thankful.

I am activating the strength within.