Letter to my 32-Year-Old Self

Dear Nakia,

You are here. God is proud of you.

You are sure of who you are and who the hell you are not.                                                              You are learning what you can and cannot tolerate from others.                                                    You are learning what pain you are not interested in self-inflicting on yourself.                              You are allergic to toxic energy.

You indulge in self-care now.                                                                                                        You are more careful with yourself.                                                                                                  You have learned to trust God + your journey now.

You still ruthlessly demand respect. Nothing has changed in that department.                                 You are worthy.                                                                                                                               You are resilient.                                                                                                                             You are still here exuding God’s infinite love + light.

Remember that your imperfections are what makes your heart still pure + still beautiful.                  Be gentle with yourself. You gotta relax (Noreaga voice)

You are constantly dying to the old you year after year and that is something to be hella proud of. Shedding that old skin is crucial to your growth.                                                                               

Speaking of growth, you just discovered your first gray hair in the dressing room mirror in Zara. You totally freaked out, but that small voice inside reminded you that aging is inevitable and hair dyes are an option. The small voice also reminded you that youthfulness lives within + your new found thick body is your temple, so take care of it.

You teach people how to treat + love you. Continue to teach em… Even if the lessons are hard to hammer into their skulls. Your absence will speak volumes. You are so damn whole all alone. No one completes you. You don’t need anyone else’s validation. Period. Remember, that on those days when you are not feeling your best self.

And love... oh, love… as always, it starts with yourself. You are full and in love with yourself. You are not interested in being loved halfheartedly. You want the whole damn chocolate mousse cake with the expensive ganache. Not a slice of that good love. You deserve it. 

You have learned that real love is unconditional. Love can be found beyond your comfort zone + what you thought was perfect. Love can be found in imperfections. Love has taught you the true meaning of forgiveness and acceptance. You now know that you once loved the idea of perfection and not its reality. No one is perfect. Crazy. Huh? The love you know now seeps deep within your soul. This is the kind of love that you choose to love despite its flaws. You are choosing love each and every day.

You are learning how to be comfortable in embracing the highest highs and the lowest lows. You still hunger for God’s will in your life even if some days you feel like you have gone astray… It’s totally okay because God will never take His hands off of your life--ever. Never forget how it feels when you are centered and drenched in God’s love. Continue to crave the feeling of being centered with your feet planted on the ground. Be Grounded. 

You are learning to breathe more. Inhale. Exhale. You are learning to let go of others perceptions of the decisions you are making in your life. You are not interested in your private life being televised. Hated it. Still, hate it. That is okay too. 

32, love began + ended with you. If you can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of the woman you are becoming + the decisions you are making...then LIVE your LIFE.

Growth is still knocking on your door.

You are still evolving. You are still unstoppable. 33 will be one of your best years

Love,

33