May 18, 2022

I pray that there is more life, more light, and restoration on the other side of Covid-19

It’s been three weeks and exactly 23 days since I’ve been home practicing social distancing. On day two, I was reminded that I am a single woman. I’ve known this for some time now, but  being single, booked, and busy is distracting. It doesn’t quite cross my mind that I am temporarily riding solo in life because I’ve been unapologetically living my life like Nina Mosley from “Love Jones” post her last breakup with Darius. I just immersed myself in work. It didn’t phase me until day two that I was fully responsible for myself if I got sick. I must admit. I was met with a little anxiety. Like, damn you are really alone girl. Not lonely… there’s a difference… One of my best friends reminded me that I have asthma and advised me to stay  home and take care of myself. At that moment, I realized  that I wasn’t quite alone. I have my girls who will always be here and will remain here to care and love me from a distance. I’ve spoken to some of my closest friends more than ever within the past three weeks. There have been Girls Nights on Google Hangouts with lots of wine and laughter. I love us!  

Honestly, I’ve been praying for a fuller work from home lifestyle. I said to God on day seven, umm sir this isn’t exactly what I had in mind. I envisioned myself writing in Tatte Bakery sipping a London Fog or having lunch meetings with creative geniuses scheming on the next big project. I didn’t imagine myself being locked up like Akon and spending my weekends partying with D-Nice and Michelle Obama and them on Instagram. I much rather be at The Roots Picnic in Philly with my girl in May like we planned on doing until that festival was postponed.  Le sigh. I was excited to see SiR perform and sway side to side singing every lyric with a cold plastic cup of wine and locking eyes with a fine bearded man under the polluted sky in Philly.

Today, Boston’s Mayor Marty Walsh announced a new Public Health Advisory in place for residents until May. We basically have a curfew from 9 PM to 6 AM because Boston residents especially the ones in my neighborhood are frolicking in these streets like they have lost their minds just spreading the virus with their asymptomatic selves. We need to stay home to flatten the curve. It’s getting serious out here. People around the world have died. This virus is killing beautiful humans who deserved to live. It has stripped families/friends of their loved ones and the death toll keeps rising. I pray that it significantly decreases. Jesus!

I am committed to staying home, staying healthy and flattening the curve. I only leave my home if it is necessary. I barely leave to take a walk around the block. I pull out my yoga mat and get the stretching. I turn on soca or afro house music to get the calories burning. I just leave to go to the store twice a week for fresh air. I've found my rhythm. I am used to this new norm. But I will not accept that we will be here past May 4. Nah. I ain’t here for that life. I try my best to practice work/life balance during the week. I try not to work more than 10 hours a day. My days are 10 hours long at least twice a week. I won’t complain. I am thankful for a job.  I am currently battling feelings of guilt because working from home is a privilege. I feel extremely blessed to be employed and it breaks my heart to see the unemployment rate increase 4% within weeks. This is wild. It is also scary. I am furiously trying to save money. I pray everyday that my job remains secure. I’ve had two speaking engagements cancelled since this pandemic. I know creatives that have lost numerous jobs including photoshoots, book signings, and performance gigs cancelled which means no money coming in. I’ve heard stories from others whose salaries were cut to help companies save money and prevent layoffs. It’s a scary time. I pray that this ends soon. I pray that there is more life, more light, and restoration on the other side of Covid-19.

Of course, with all of this I am trying to find a silver lining. I am seeking a lesson in this mess. I ask. God, what are you trying to tell us? What are you trying to tell me?

What have I learned from this pandemic?

  1. We are not in control. God is truly the author and finisher of this thing called life.
  2. Leaning into yourself is the ultimate act of self-care.
  3. Music is healing. Questlove’s live DJ sets have been giving me more life. I attended an Erykah Badu concert tonight in the comfort of my home for $2. She performed the entire “New Amerykah Part Two Return of the Ankh” album in different rooms in her home. As a music lover, I will cherish that experience forever.
  4. We are living history in realtime. Document it. Write about it. Remember what each day felt like, so we can tell these stories to our grandchildren one day.
  5. Introspection is reviving. Tap into it. How are you feeling?
  6. Give yourself grace. You don’t have to produce anything or go hard everyday. I am learning how to give into relaxing and not compete with myself to prove a point. I am creating so much though.
  7. I love cooking. I am not tired of it. There is nothing that says I love me more than cheffing up a homemade meal to nourish myself. I’ve been thinking about my mother a lot lately. I am reminded of my childhood. I am thankful that she taught me how to cook and how to survive off of limited resources. I’ve lived in survival mode for a longtime, so those skills come in handy.
  8. Connection is beyond physicality.
  9. Climate change is real. We are legit ruining the earth. Humans are abusive to Mother Earth.                      I know Mother Earth is healing herself right now.
  10. Nurses, educators, grocery store staff, artists, and delivery professionals are the real MVPs.  

I am thankful for life. I am thankful that my default is always on chill even during times of uncertainty. I am basking in the present. Until social distancing ends.

Peace. Be still.

-Nakia Hill